Nathan Hindmarsh Magazine

  • by Half
  • August 06 2004 12:00AM

Editorial

Whether I?m having stitches put in my ankle, relaxing in the bath, cooking a steak or out shopping for clothes, it?s always on my mind. You know what I?m talking about!

half

Gossip

Implants???

Rumours recently spread about Parramatta star and NRL pin-up Nathan Hindmarsh having buttock implants on a mysterious trip to Thailand last year. Asked about the rumours, Hindmarsh refused to say anything, commenting ? ?.

With official sources at the Eels also remaining tight-lipped, a close friend told us ?Nathan is very humble about his great asset. He?s been working out in the off-season and that should explain the further growth?. With this news in mind, hopefully we can put the rumours behind us.

Hindy and Mason: Fracas Ensues...

Willie Mason is reportedly furious about the press Nathan Hindmarsh has recently received about his hair. Whilst the Coffs Harbour and NSW bonding scandals have taken their toll on the big forward, it?s the lack of attention his own hair has received lately that?s of most concern. Says a close friend of the Bulldogs star, ?Willie would love to grow the afro large again but understands that won?t help. He knows Nathan has the better hair?.

The chemistry between the pair has been rocky ever since their teams, the Eels and the Bulldogs, auditioned for the lead role of the Sunsilk Essentials campaign. A bitter brawl broke out between players of both camps when Mason accused Hindmarsh of wearing a wig, suggesting no natural hair could ever be that beautiful. Due to the poor behaviour of both teams, the commercial campaign fell into the lap of the Roosters, leaving both NSW stars seething.

?He knows Nathan has the better hair?

With the pair not on speaking terms but spending time together in Origin camp, friends hope they will patch up their problems soon.

Find-A-Word

Can you find 11 hidden words relating to Parramatta Eels champion Nathan Hindmarsh?

B U T T O C K S

A M S B U N S R

C A N G T B S E

K M Y H L I A T

S O R U M P N S

I B O T T O M I

D E R R I E R E

E I H S O O T K Answers at the bottom!

Haiku

Haiku is a form of poetry with foundations in the mystical world of Japan. Whilst early haikuists Basho Matsuo and Buson Yosa would never have known haikus would expand to the Westie world and be used to communicate succinct and inspirational messages about Nathan Hindmarsh, I?m sure this news would excite their living relatives immensely.

Mystic River

Nathan Hindmarsh runs No one will ever stop him Nathan Hindmarsh scores

Untitled

There he goes again Scoring yet another try He?s so hot right now

Fact Sheet: Nathan Hindmarsh (Biggus Buttocus)

Classification

Class: Mammalia | Order: Primates | Family: Hominidae Genus: Homo | Species: Hindy

Size Height: 186cms | Weight: 107kgs

Range

Habitat Grassy plains

Appearance

The body of the Hindy is robust and muscular, yet supple. Keen observer Brian Smith notes the Hindy has ?a swayback, fat gut and funny bum?. These features only combine to enhance the reputation of the species as an athletic machine of significant influence.

Hair A shining coat of rich brown hair extrudes from the scalp of the Hindy. It grows up to 30cms long.

Blubber The blubber is acknowledged as the most notable physical aspect of the Hindy. It acts as insulation during the cold winter months, featuring prominently around the rump. With the vertical fracture through the mid-section used as lure during mating season, the Hindy often reveals its blubber in well-populated surroundings. Some reports suggest it is over 8cms thick.

Behaviour

The Hindy is more inspirational and devastating than all other primates, no exceptions. Deadly and carnivorous, the Hindy humbles its prey into submission with a grand foray of tackles and bone-cracking charges. No other primate inspires fear into others quite like it.

5 Reasons to Love Hindy!

1. Won?t block you on MSN (he doesn?t even use the Internet!) 2. When there?s trouble in the camp, there?s always a pizza waiting for you at Hindy?s 3. Australia?s ideal rebuttal to the Grand Canyon 4. Is to rugby league what Steve Prefontaine is to middle-distance running 5. Even with his fantastic hair, isn?t laming up your TV with lame shampoo ads

Crazy Captions The Tigers must like buns more than the Bulldogs! G Willikers, Portsmouth

Maccers buns only have 5% sugar now, but these buns are 100%! D Peters, Kensington

Hahaha keep up the good work, guys. That?s some fantasstic wordplay!

Find-A-Word Answers: Ass, Backside, Bottom, Buns, Buttocks, Can, Derriere, Keister, Rump, Tail, Tooshie

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