In The Spotlight - NRL 2016 Round 1

Hold your horses, strap yourselves in and take a deep breath…because In The Spotlight is BAAAACK!

The greatest anal(yst) since Ron Jeremy is ready to take on the might of the 2016 season and NRL beware; I'm more ruthless than a really small dog protecting a really big bone. Now, let's get it on.

Not in a sexual way obviously, just more in regards to this article.

Holy moly guacamole, what a year we have ahead of us. The Cowboys head into a new season as defending premiers for the first time, just as the Broncos enter a new campaign in the unfamiliar position of beaten grand finalists. Now I'm not sure if this had been mentioned anywhere else, but that grand final wasn't a real bad game of footy.

Further south, Cronulla continue in their default position of never having won as much as a chook raffle the season before, while the Bunnies welcome back that pommy bloke who got away with swearing at Freddy at half-time during the 2014 grand final. Who's going to win the comp you ask? (Yep, heard you ask that. Got your house bugged. Nah, not really. Or do I? No).

I am willing to go on the record here and say I have no freakin' idea who will. But I'm going to throw a prediction out there; Brisbane will play the NZ Warriors and Wayne will take home an eighth premiership.

Anyway, enough gas-bagging. Time for my first batch of victims.

Shaun Kenny-Dowall

SKD didn't have much fun in the off-season, mainly due to the many scurrilous allegations thrown his way, all of which have now been dismissed. But if you're going to eat a chocolate pie, some of it's going to end up on your scone. Alright, I'm not too sure why I used this comparison but do you remember the pie scene in ‘###i/i###? Lock in Skidsy (excuse the poop pun) for a double this week.

Ray Warren

I bloody love Rabs. He still brings a sense of occasion like no other to a game of Rugby League. Yep, even more than Ken ‘pass me a soother please' Sutcliffe. Despite all of this, Rabsy hasn't been at his best these past few years and I reckon he's in for a bloody bonza season.

See ya's round. Like a rissole.