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For my whole life I have grown up with the misconception that rugby league was a man?s sport. It was created by men, loved by men and most importantly played by men. My father, his father, uncles, cousins and my brother played it and one of my earliest memories is sitting sideline at a local rugby league game, stuffing my face with a meat pie and hearing the whistle holler. So much so even today when I hear a whistle go I?m transported back to those rainy filled Saturday mornings where masking tape and deep heat reigned supreme.
Recently, however, I have started to think this ideal is utterly and confusingly wrong. I have come back to the game after a nine year absence and have noticed that at these games nearly half of the crowd are ones processing the XX chromosome (for those of you playing at home I?m referring to females). And they aren?t just there because they are with their fathers, dragged by their boyfriends or happen to be wearing skimping under things, dancing around and absolutely freezing their nipples off which oddly is what cheerleaders seem to do. No, these females are there in packs, drinking chardonnay, wearing beanies and yelling as much (or even more so) then the XY chromosome variety. They know the rules, the players, the teams and what is actually going on on the field.
So this got me thinking again (I had my cap on that day) why don?t more women play the sport? Why don?t they strap on some boots, whack on a pair of footy shorts and throw on a jersey? And if women played first grade rugby league and not men how different would the sport be. A hell of a lot different I can tell you. I have decided to explore this a bit more deeply and give an insight to what rugby league would be like if women controlled and played the first grade sport.
Well for one that uniform would be the first to go. No woman in her right mind would wear a pair of knee high socks fashioned with a pair of tight scanty shorts unless your Paris Hilton, or, um, Paris Hilton. Plus you have to run in those things! The wobble factor comes into contention here and even though Wonder Woman looked great in hers most women would be more like Thunder Woman. I think those ?Thorpedo? suits would be great. They?re slick, fast looking and so tight nothing would quiver in fear of it being sucked back in.
Secondary would be the cheerleaders. They would be replaced with either sexy dancing hunks or chocolate. To make things better they would be replaced by sexy dancing hunks covered in chocolate. And the cheerleaders would be allowed to fraternize with the players. In fact it would be a requirement of them being in the squad.
If a schedule match fell on a rainy day it would be postponed or cancelled. I don?t know one woman who thinks Willy Mason is a spunk let alone want to have his hair.
Nails would be checked before every match.
Black, dark blue or grey undies would not be worn under white shorts. This would become a rule and the penalties for breaching it would be extremely harsh.
There would be no controversial ?off the field? incidences or antics where players are found to be in intoxicating situations with the opposite sex. This is not due to them not doing anything in that manner ? far from it ? but the fact that women are smart enough not to get caught.
There would be a lot more name calling on the field. And off the field. The mascots would actually look like the animal or character they are suppose to be. Is it just me or does the Panthers new mascot resemble a rat?
And last but definitely not least ? MORE MEN WILL COME TO THE GAMES. Seeing a bunch of fit women running around wrestling each other in the mud would intensify the number of males to games to all new levels. Every match would be sold out.
I?m positive there would be a lot more changes if women did lord over and played this national past time of ours but at the moment my thinking cap is just about to conk out.
Oh, by the way I?m actually from the XX chromosome.