I did it; at long last I finally did it! My family will be secured for life, and pretty soon students majoring in philosophy will be studying my findings. In fact by the time you get to the bottom of this article, I give you my word that you won't even remember who discovered the law of gravity, the law of relativity and all that other scientific nonsense (and don't be too embarrassed if you don't already know, I had to look it up). Today the greatest mystery of all has been exposed. I have just defined the female equivalent to the phrase "sausage fest".